I Breathed... and Let Go....

I thought you were the one God made just for me, the one whom I was to spend my life with, my destiny.

I thought it was to be just you and I, and then came all the lies.

 The constant memories that flood my brain, remembering the good times, and then comes the pain.

The pain of knowing that what we had was fiction, merely based on a fairy tale that I put into existence.

 I sacrificed and pushed people away, just so I could call you my baby.

You were My Love, the one I gave my heart to, yet you gave yours to five other Boo’s.

When the truth was revealed, what did you think I would do? Try to work it out? Stay and support you?

 Pick up the pieces of the life that I once knew?

 I’m a strong woman but I’m not a fool. Did you really think that I would believe you when you said they meant nothing to you?

 If they meant nothing, then why were they there to begin with? And would they have been ditched, if I never discovered they existed?

With you I did things that I had never done before. I saw us doing BIG things, achieving a life most only dream of.

Now I look into our daughters’ eyes, trying to get the words right as to why you don’t come by.

I don’t want to lie, but she’s too young to understand, and if you were a real dad, I wouldn’t be the one who’s portrayed as BAD.

 I have accepted the fact that I’m still in love with you that kind of love only fades away with time and enough time hasn’t yet gone by.

 If I could do it all over again, I still would’ve chosen you, those moments we shared were heaven to me.

 I remember Jamaica like it was yesterday, the look on your face the morning of your birthday.

 It was our own little paradise, away from all the sadness and the pain that I now feel. The spa treatments, the romantic layout in our villa was all for you.

 A token of my undying love for someone whom I thought I was telling me the truth.

There I go again, thinking of the past, I should’ve known that after all I had done, it wasn’t gonna last.

Yet still I believed that if I worked hard enough, it would…But if I’m the only one working at it, it’s not, even though I think it should.

We talk from time to time and you tell me you’re trying to change, that you still want us to be together, for me to have your last name.

 I have mixed feelings because I love you so, but another part of me still wants to place my hands around your throat.

I wonder if I am the only one you’re saying this too, or if your keeping contact with the others, you can tell me what you like, it’s not like I’m gonna contact your former lovers.

You want me to wait on you, for you to finish your counseling sessions, I’m not even sure if you’re going, or if you’re even making progress with these lessons.

The fact is, I don’t trust you anymore, something so sacred takes a second to attain, but a lifetime to regain.

You took my love and trust for granted, something you’re no longer worthy of, that You Abused. I don’t know if I will ever give that trust back to you, too much has happened, not an experience I’d wish to go through.

Yet my heart doesn’t want to let you go and my mind is saying I’m crazy as hell for entertaining thoughts other than telling you ‘No’.

I know the right thing for me to do is walk away, but I can’t help but think about the what if’s and if we’ll have a life together someday.

There’s a saying that if you let something go and it comes back to you, then it’s yours. I guess I’m going to have to test this theory to see if it works. I loved you from the moment I laid eyes on you, I wanted you for myself, and I did what I thought would make you happy, but sometimes my actions alone are not enough. You live and you learn. I’ve learned to love with all of my being, and I’m not mad about that. You can’t understand how much you love someone until you’ve lost them. It is at that moment, I realized what I’ve always known. You’ll always occupy my heart My Love, but it’s time for me to Breathe……..and Let You Go…….